"Why I Don't Want an iPad For Christmas"

Soooo, anybody know knows me, knows that I detest Apple products, and only slightly less, I detest the freaks, who do nothing to sing the praises for this company, and refuse to hear anything negative about their products. So perusing the Wall Street Journal, i stumbled across this article, and was pleased to find I wasn't the only educated asshole who thought this way. The article is listed below, but if for some reason, you don't believe me, you can read the actual article here. I'm particularly privy to reasons 5 and 10, especially since Adobe just released a major update to Flash in response to Jobs running his big, stupid mouth. Enjoy!


Everyone wants an iPad this Christmas, right?

Apple's tablet computer is this year's hottest adult toy. Sales are booming. James Cordwell, an analyst at Atlantic Securities, expects the company to sell six million this quarter, half of them here in the U.S. It's driving the company toward what will probably be yet another blowout Christmas period. But you can count me out. I don't want an iPad for Christmas, thanks very much.

Sacrilege!

Why? Here are my reasons.

1. It'll be cheaper next year.

How dumb are people? Apple is coming out with iPad II in 2011. (Mr. Cordwell predicts April.) That means fanatics won't be seen dead with this year's model, and you'll be able to get it much cheaper. Try eBay or buy it "refurbished" direct from Apple. Price deflation in technology is a wonder to behold. Remember the first iPhones? The 8-gigabyte models cost $599. A few months later they cost $399. Now they're paperweights. The average middle-class American earns maybe $16 an hour after taxes. So if you save, say, $150 on a product, that's more than nine hours' extra work. Of course, if you love your job so much you like putting in an extra day for free, go ahead.

2. It's going to be better next year.

The next iPad will have new features—allegedly including video conferencing and maybe a better screen. This year's model will be so over. When Steve Jobs unveiled the second iPhone in 2008 he actually made fun of the slow first model—the same product that he had hailed a year earlier as the eighth wonder of the world. The audience yukked it up. Me? I'm not a fan of buying a product for $500 from a guy who's going to deride it a few months later.


3. Check out those profit margins!

OK, I admit it: I've been wrong about Apple stock lately. After correctly turning bullish at $85 two years ago, I turned cautious waaay too early. My mistake? This isn't a technology company. It's a luxury brand, like Hermès or Tiffany. And it's wooed customers so they'll pay almost anything for its products. Last Christmas, Apple's gross margins were 41%. That's incredible. It's good for Apple, good for stockholders—but not so good for shoppers. Me, I don't want to support someone else's 60% markups with my own dollars. Generally speaking, the smarter move is to invest in the Tiffanys of the world—and shop at the Wal-Marts.


4. Competitors are coming.

Right now the iPad has just one serious rival, the Samsung Galaxy Tab. So no wonder it's doing so well. But all that will change in just a few months. New tablets, many running on the Android platform, are expected to hit the market as soon as March. These will give you a much wider choice of size, style and operating system. And when these companies duke it out for market share, you know you'll be able to get a deal. So why would I buy now?


5. No Flash.

Do you want to watch video clips on the Web? On a boring old laptop or PC, you can do that for free. On the amazing new iPad? Only sometimes. Most Web video runs on Adobe Flash, and the iPad can't—or rather, won't—handle Flash. So there are plenty of video clips you won't be able to watch. And plenty of others you will have to pay to watch, either by renting them from Apple's iTunes, or by paying for a subscription service like Hulu Plus. Mr. Jobs had a very public bust-up with Adobe over Flash this year. I have sympathy for his position, as Flash can be unstable. But it's still the software most Web video clips use, and I want that choice.


6. The cost of the add-ons.

The iPad starts at $499 plus tax. That's nearly twice as much as a netbook. And I know if I get the cheapest iPad I'll regret it. It has only 16 gigabytes' storage. And it can only go online when you are in a WiFi hotspot, like at home or in Starbucks. A lot of the iPad's best features need an Internet connection. So if I want to use them wherever I go, I'll want the model with a 3G data plan that works everywhere. And those start at $629, plus at least $15 a month. Total cost: at least $809, plus tax, in the first year, and $989 over two years. This I don't need.


7. The games.

Yes, they're great. But that's the problem. Computer games are as addictive as cigarettes. And this is a habit everyone is taking up, not quitting. This is why I dumped my iPod Touch. Am I alone? Maybe. But I don't think so. I know lots of people with horror stories about addiction to immersive games. Someone I know—now, as it happens, a British member of parliament—once sat down to play Civilization, a role-playing game, on a PC one Saturday evening and didn't finish until three o'clock ... Thursday morning. (He stopped when he ran out of cigarettes.) And that was on an old PC. Games on the iPad are more intense than ever. A friend recently showed me some of the serious news apps on his iPad. I noticed that to get to them he first had to "wave" us past several screens of games. Is he really using his iPad to read that article about the Indonesian economy, or is he playing Angry Birds? Hmmm. You make the call.


8. The waste.

The scarcest resource in life isn't money, land, fresh water or gold. For singles under 25, the scarcest resource is sex, and for the rest of us it's time. And the biggest waste of time I've ever discovered—after games (see above)—is the Web. Nothing comes close. It's a total black hole. Do I want to carry a device that lets me surf the Web endlessly wherever I am? That's easy. It's amazing how much time I have to read now that I never look at Facebook.


9. It'll get boring.

This year's totem is next year's meh. Economists call this "the hedonic treadmill." Human beings quickly get bored of each new item. We always want the buzz from something newer, better, bigger, faster or fancier. But the treadmill never stops. Think of how amazing the first Palm Pilots seemed back in the 1990s. Look at them now. The iPad may look like the eighth wonder of the world today. Soon it will seem so old.


10. The whole Apple cult is starting to creep me out.

OK, I already knew about the fans. Last summer, three-quarters of the people standing in line so they could buy the new iPhone the moment it went on sale already owned an iPhone. But now it's the company, too. Look at how it reacted last spring, when a Silicon Valley blogger scooped an early iPhone 4: Next thing he knew he was being handcuffed on his lawn in front of his wife while police ransacked his house. And think of Steve Jobs, complaining that news coverage of the iPhone 4's troubled aerial had been "blown so out of proportion that it's incredible." Hmmm, out-of-proportion media coverage—you sure you want to go there, Steve? This is the guy marketing a new telephone under the slogan "This changes everything. Again." Maybe this stuff shouldn't matter to me, but I have to confess it's turning me off.

Write to Brett Arends at brett.arends@wsj.com

Poetry Lover

Contentious

A cartoon I have begun.

An alien just asked me what a bar is

" I’m an alien -- an admittedly, 100% humanoid and incredibly attractive alien. Being the incredibly helpful person you are, what is the deal with these “bar” things that you humans seem so fond of? Specifically, why do people go? What is there to do at bars in theory? What do people usually do there in practice? Remember – I know NOTHING about your culture, or rationale, or anything – so no detail is too obvious, obscure, or irrelevant. Lay it on me. Gender differences, what a person’s drink says about them, etc."

Well, there are really three types of bars, lounges, dives, and

Clubs. I will describe each individually. Though they differ in many

ways, for all three, the major motivations are 1) to mate, and 2) to have a

good time.

1) Lounges

Lounges are generally the most expensive, thus also the classiest. Generally dimly lit, they are often filled with either trendy or ultra-modern furnishings.

The mixed drink and wine rule here, mostly in the liquor on the rocks variety. Professionals frequent these spots after they finish work. Attire includes work suits, gowns, cocktail dresses and the like. The ambiance is completed with quiet jazz, classical or new wave music playing softly in the background. This is without a doubt the best bar for a date situation.

the female/mael ratios are normally as follows

Female: 50%

Male: 50%

2) Dive bars

There are really three subcategories of dive bars: "sports bars", "college bars”, and "eternal bars" (those that have been around forever.) In most ways they are all pretty similar. Dive bars are generally loud, but only due to the sheer volume of guests. Given the options of bar games such as foosball, pool, darts, or arcade games, people mill around in the dark, crowded bar.

Be it in pitcher form, for large groups or in the more individual choice of cans, bottles, or single glasses, beer is often the most popular choice. Visual projections showing recorded moving images, known as TV screens, make up much of the interior decoration, showing sports games. Of course, sports bars have a much larger number of TV screens than the other two.

Students who live or attend university nearby populate the college bars. Sports bars are mostly attended by all sorts of people, all nterested in getting drunk while watching whatever sports team they prefer. The less popular category, the Eternal bars, do not boast such a high clientele. Homeless people, those who have lived in the area forever, and random stragglers with nothing better to do, make up the regulars at the Eternal bars.

The music played is usually composed of guitars drums, and vocalist, known as the genre “rock”. Dive bars are also the most likely to allow an assortment of drinking games, including quarters, a game involving bouncing a monetary metal discuss into a cup. Beer pong, popular amongst students, entails tossing a small spherical white object into another team’s cups from a distance. An assortment of card related games are also readily available. Be wary; the consumers at these establishments are the most territorial about the locale, and can sometimes be unwelcoming to strangers that show any amount of disrespect. Attire consists of Jeans and a T-shirt, Sports jerseys, tank tops, and leather or jean jackets.

The female/male ratio is as follows

Female 20%

Male 80%

3) Clubs-

Club-goers are by far the most obsessed with finding a mate. They are also primarily centered on dancing. More often then not, the dancing involves the “bump and grind”, a ritualistic dance involving extremely close contact with your dance partner while reenacting bodily movements very similar to mating. You will often find hundreds of couples on the dance floor all doing the same dance. The music mostly falls into two categories, the first being electronic music, music mostly synthesized by a person known as a DJ operating a computer. Hip-hop, music centered on poetic spoken word over a heavy beat, is the other popular choice. The heavy base lines of both types of music make the “bump and grind” dance easy to perform. This type of bar regularly charges an entrance fee, as well as for pricier drinks inside. It can often have a very selective line on the outside, only permitting a few people at a time.

More often then not, Clubs are centered on having a higher female to male ratio due to the highly sexual atmosphere inside, and the club owners prefer to keep it that way. Drinks are mostly hard liquor, either in a small, condensed, highly volatile form, known as a shot. Hard liquor can also be mixed with fruity or savory, non-alcoholic liquids to produce a “mixed drink”. If you are able to afford it, you may pay for a table, a designated area for you and your compatriots to sit and enjoy yourself. These tables are provided with their own server and come with a choice of a hard liquor bottle. These tables are also extremely expensive.

The attire for men mostly involves similar attire to lounges, though the shirts are generally flashier. Also, depending on the person and neighborhood, one may where track suits. This dress code is meant for the male to wear his most expensive clothing, while the woman must wear the least amount of clothing without appearing to be a "slut", a woman who sleeps with too many men. The woman’s apparel usually comes in the form of mini-dresses and skirts, tube tops, and heavy jewelry.

The female/male ratio is as follows

Female 60%

Male 40%

So be weary my fellow alien compatriot a bar can be very fun but also a very dangerous and mysterious locale.

-Edited by Rachel Heine

It's Tron-O-Clock!!

During this time of thanks, here are a couple of TRON: LEGACY trailers for your viewing pleasure. The first is a music video set to the music of French-Techno-Wonders, Daft Punk - If you weren't aware, they are scoring the movie, which is AWESOME!!

The second video is the latest trailer for Tron, revealing the main storyline of the movie. It too, is quite awesome.

It's Like Fighting Fire with Candy Corn.

Recently I've been spending a lot of car travel time listening to this new radio station here in LA - 97.1 AMP Radio. Carson Daly does the morning show, bless his little TRL heart. While the station does right by pop fans by playing a lot of good pop/hip hop music, the station has a playlist of what seems to be about... 15 songs.

Now this is all well and good, but this means I get to hear Katy Perry's "California Gurls" about 48 times a day. And I only spend maybe 30 minutes in my car a day, at best. Yeah, do the math on that one.

As I listen to this song, and my brain slowly dies because of the music, I started breaking down the song. "Why?" you may find yourself asking. The answer is quite simple. Katy wrote this song as a response to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind." Don't believe me? Read about it here.

Now I've heard some pretty dumb things living in this state, but this definitely makes the top 15. Lets break down why:


- Jay-Z's song is filled with references to New York - images that conjure feelings of nostalgia and affection. Terms and groups, and places that people can identify with: Bed-Stuy, Knicks games, Yankees, and in the process he embodies the NY spirit and attitude.

- Katy Perry talks about how hot California girls are. That's pretty much the song. No references to anything cool in California. No references to any cities, or histoic events, or famous people (aside from "Snoop Doggy Dog on the radio"). There is nothing that recreates a sense of nostalgia, no ideas that people can identify with, except that girls are hot.

- Jay-Z teams up with the super-sexy, super-talented Alicia Keys, who sings an amazing catchy hook about NY that everyone knows and can easily sing along with. If you wanna talk about visuals, The video is riddled with pictures of New York, and Alicia is dressed in this sexy sexy outfit and plays a piano.

- Katy's song is so repetitive, that its hard to tell what part is the hook, and its so difficult to sing, most people just sing along with "oh oh oh oh oh" part, of which there are far to many. Snoop sounds sooo bored in this song, I would imagine he phoned it in from New York, hungover, having partied with Jay-Z all night. Her Music video is themed like Candy-Land, which makes NO sense, and instead of picking out a sexy costume, she gets naked and sits on a cloud. Its like going all the way on the first date. A first date that seems to involve Acid, and a whole lot of candy.

This is supposed to be a retort - a response to an amazing video. And Katy Perry steps up to the plate? That should have been the first warning sign. I have no idea what she was thinking while she jerry-rigged this steaming pile of crap together. I can only assume she misspelled "Gurls" on purpose out of respect to the Beach Boys, but even that failed, because now when you hear the phrase "California Girls," everyone's mind jumps to Katy Perry. Google agrees with me. Sorry boys, but your classic song about the west coast has been buried under some pop icon wearing a purple wig, who can't stop saying "oh."

Its like having a debate with someone, and after they make a valid point, your response is "Yeah? That's not what your mom said last night. OHHHHHH!!!!"

If the West Coast wanted a good retort to Empire State of Mind, we should have just put Pac and Dre's "California Love" back on the radio.

Here are the videos, if you want to know what I'm talking about. For the record? Perry's video? Almost 16,800,000 views at the time of this posting. Jay-Z's? over 67,105,000. Numbers don't lie.

Katy Perry - New Music - More Music Videos

How to Write Internet Commentary

You're surfing a video on YouTube, or FunnyOrDie. Maybe you're reading an article on politics or badgers. And now you're ready to make your voice heard: to add... a comment!

What follows are five basic rules to make your comment both popular and meaningful:

1. Show that you were first
If you are the first to comment on something, be sure to write, "Yes! I'm first!" or something to that effect. Everyone else who reads the article will be impressed with your quick thinking, and ability to click things more quickly than others.


2. Check your grammar at the door
People who post internet comments are very busy and important, and do not have time to bother with things like spelling or grammar. It is also important to interject internet slang such as OMG and LOL, at seemingly random intervals. This slang can also be used to bookend your comment. Please note the following example:

Initial Sentence: "I found your article on the proliferation of nuclear weaponry to be profoundly enlightening."

Internet Commentary Sentence: "OMG therr are somany of those ppl who have thez bumbs they r evrywear! LOL!!!"


3. Remember your racism
If you don't understand the video/article, you should instead try to incite some sort of racial, or otherwise bigoted hatred.
Popular topics include: Jews, Blacks and Homosexuals. But hey, don't feel limited by these options, there are plenty of minority groups to espouse.

Example: "i hte the IRish cuzz theey r abunch of potatos LOL!!!"

Your random racial rantings will draw far more of a response than any rational discussion of the video/article ever could!


4. Quoting is everything
If you're watching a video, it's a great idea to quote the funniest line/lines from it in the commentary. Most people who have watched the video have already forgotten the parts that made them laugh, so it's a great help for them to be able to see your quote as a reminder. For those who have not seen the video, your comment will give them an idea of what to look for, so they won't have to be surprised by the humor.


5. Refuse to accept irony
If the video/article is clearly being sarcastic or joking, you should absolutely take it at face value and assume they are being serious. The following would be an acceptable response to an article about using kittens as an alternative fuel source:

Example: "U R SOOO STUPUD! OMG kitens r not sumthan to burn LOL yur goingg to hel lke the JEWS!"


By following these five rules, you will be sure to gain the respect and admiration of your fellow internet commentators. This is a marvelous thing to have, because there is no one more important and sophisticated than someone who posts a comment on the internet.

-Sam

Preemptive christmas music

So a select few radio stations that will go unnamed have decided that november 1st is the time to start playing Christmas Music. Now before I start I would like to point out that I love Christmas Music, and Christmas is easily one of my favorite holidays. (third to halloween, and my own birthday since i'm an egotistical bastard.) But to play Christmas Music anytime before the day of Thanksgiving (number 5 on top holiday list) is a terrible thing to do.

The reason for this is that it steals Thanksgivings thunder, early November is a time to begin the preparation for the fantastic turkey and corn themed feast that will arrive on the third thursday of the month. These rules of when to start celebrating are in place because each holiday deserves its time in the sun. You don't wear green on Valentines Day. You don't give romantic gifts on Ground Hogs day. You don't shoot fireworks off on Memorial Day. These holidays are deserving of their seasons, and these selfish shark jumping Christmas epicureans need to slow the fuck down.

Not to mention we also want to make sure we don't burn out on our Christmas celebration. There are many of us who ignorantly wish that christmas was every day of the year. But in reality, we would go broke from present giving, we would becomes obese from all of the feasting. Be to drunk off of eggnog to do anything good for society. And most likely put a bullet in our head after the 6000th rendition of the nutcracker. It's the limited time that we can celebrate these holidays and there trappings that makes them so special.

So please instead of singing about rudolf, and Santa this early november. Start compiling recipes for deep fried turkey, twice baked potatoes, and Marshmallow yams. Start dieting in preparation for the extreme amount of food you are going to have to ingest in the beautifully presented meal on thursday the 25th of november.

And for your enjoyment a thanksgiving poem by mister Sam Kellett

A young freezer turkey named Chester,
Fell in love with the roasting pan
But his love, unrequited, did fester,
Which is why he devised such a plan:

On a cold Thursday morn
He snuck out in the kitchen
His passion reborn,
His loins full of "itchin"

He saw her, the pan
She was staring at him.
He proclaimed "here I am!"
And he mounted her rim.

Then he barreled inside
Fitting tight in her groove.
And his heart felt so light,
As the pan 'gan to move.

And that's when things got hot
('Bout 350 degrees)
He felt stuffed, stuffed a lot,
Full of love, broth and peas.

So he stayed in that place,
In that pan, slick and round
And how long was his grace?
(20 minutes, per pound)

Til at last a great hoist
Brought him out of the heat.
He felt crispy and moist,
He felt ready to meet,

Thanksgiving.

Happy Turkey Day everybody!

(Author's note: This was a consensual cooking. The only reason the love was "unrequited" before, was because Chester hadn't had the butterballs to talk to her).

The Truth About McDonalds Fast Food.... is Goddamned Retarded.

While I was staying late at the office today, I happened across a little video that a numerous amount of my friends have been posting to their profiles. Some video that advertises "The TRUTH about fast food, and how after seeing this video, you will NEVER eat McDonalds' again." I've seen SUPER SIZE ME, and once, I even thought about picking up "Fast Food Nation", but I looked at the cover and decided I needed a BK Double Stacker pronto. But I digress. I like to enjoy my fast food on a pretty regular basis, seeing as how I have a job with long hours and where I could be making more money collecting unemployment, I don't get to make home cooked meals that often. My curiosity piqued, I decided to check out the video. It depicts some guy with a handlebar mustache, who i can only assume stopped hitting on co-eds in seedy bars for just long enough to compose this video, placing various McDonalds' products into glass jars and letting them decompose over the course of 10 weeks. To provide a control group, he also uses a burger and fries from a "regular burger joint" to see how they decompose as well.

Over the course of the video, you get to watch the various stages of the food's decomposition, and see all the mold grow on the burgers and what have you. Of course the fries miraculously don't look any different 10 weeks later, which to be honest, don't surprise me, seeing as how if you let them sit for more than an hour, they tend to harden into objects you could use level out that table in your living room that doesn't seem to sit quite right. Oh yeah - and he throws out the control group burger and fries like 4 or 5 weeks in, "because the intern couldn't take the smell."

At the end of this video, you're supposed to be so grossed out that you don't EVER WANT TO EAT FAST FOOD AGAIN. Except, its a failure on multiple levels:

-I don't know where he got the idea to place fast food into glass jars that aren't airtight to watch them decompose. You could make an equally gross video using any kind of food. Plus I have no idea why you would subject yourself to 10 weeks of awful awful smelling food in your office. I would laugh my ass off if everyone in that office came down with Typhoid, just from the health hazard all the bacteria on the food.

-What exactly does this prove? That if our stomachs broke food down using nothing but air, we would run out of room in our stomachs rather quickly? If only our bodies had some sort of digestive tract - some way to break down all different kinds of food, and process as much of it as possible in a rough 24 hour period... Next time? put a half chewed gum in one of those jars as well.

-I'm pretty sure anyone who watches this video isn't going to stop eating fast food. Why? Because most of us have been enjoying McD's or one of its many equivalents for years. We know how bad the food is, we know where it comes from, and most importantly, we know its goddamned tasty. If I wanted a burger that was hand-made with all the love and care that should go into a burger, I would go get one.

This isn't an educational video, it's just an exercise in stupidity. If you wanna really be grossed out, just go watch the infamous "Two Girls, One Cup" and save yourself about 3 minutes. I also want to know where this yahoo works where he not only has an intern to mix his roofies before he goes out at night and to throw out moldy fast food, but is also able to just let food decompose right out in the open. For 2.5 months. Stay tuned for this guys's sequel video, where he feeds Happy Meal toys to squirrels, in order to show how harmful the plastic in the toys is to our American youth.


If you are indeed curious about seeing the video, here it is below. Honestly though? If you want a video to drive you away from eating fast food, just rent SUPER SIZE ME. Or if you want to sound intellectual, read Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle."

Literary Lovin'

I'll F. Scott Your Fitzgerald if you'll Phillip K. my Dick

And if you find that crass, my dear, you best stop reading quick

I want to Ezra Pound you. You make my Oscar Wilde

You'll be be E. E. Cumming like a wildebeest with child

It won't be Swift, instead, Thoreau

I'll Pynchon every part, and so

When long at last your heart is won

There sure will be some Dicken,son

-Sam

Battlestar Galactica to come back onto TV

Oh yes. You heard me right.

BSG is coming back. Now I know what all of us are thinking: "Why they hell are they doing that?! They ended the series perfectly, they didn't stretch the series out too long, or spontaneously forget where they were going with the series arc, or maroon the characters on some lame-ass island that is supposed to be a metaphor for purgatory. No, there was a plan, the Sci-Fi network tried to stretch out the series, but the creators wouldn't allow it.

"But Rizz," you can hear yourself saying. "Caprica sucked."

I know. And fear not. While Caprica was indeed created by the the same guy who created the original 2004 BSG series (Not the 1980s one), Caprica was set too far in the past, and was stuck on Caprica, limiting the story to the boring land parts that nobody cared to watch in BSG anyway.

Enter Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome. Created by the same guy, Ronald D. Moore, B&C will take place during the First Cylon War, set ten years into the war. As the battle between humans and the Cylons rages across the 12 colonial worlds, a brash rookie viper pilot enters the fray. Ensign William Adama, barely in his 20s and a recent Academy graduate, finds himself assigned to the newest battlestar in the Colonial fleet… the Galactica. The talented but hot-headed risk-taker soon finds himself leading a dangerous top secret mission that, if successful, will turn the tide of the decade long war in favor of the desperate fleet.

I don't know about everyone else, but I think this shows potential. It takes things back to space, and more importantly, relates to characters everybody already knows and loves. You think people went to the Star Wars prequels to see Jar Jar? Or because they were good? No - people wanted to see the history of Owi-Wan and Darth Vader. Granted, that failed miserably, and it turns out their relationship was just one of whining and bitching at each other, constantly disobeying each other, and ultimately maiming each other, Obi Wan insists in A New Hope that Anakin "was a good friend." But I digress.

Barring George Lucas joining this project, I think that this series could have a lot of potential. The 2 hr pilot is greenlit, and they are rumored to start shooting in January or February 2011.

-Rizz

While watching Nostradamus: 2012 on the history channel

THis may very well make absolutely no sense, but i am currently watching a history channel special on the 2012 end of the world business. So here are my predictions/hopes

1) The "end of the world" in 2012 will be THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, i know we are all excited about this ones. Plus, we are all preparing our zombie contingency plans. And if not well, sucks to be you, please put any extra ammo you may have in an easy to reach place so i can pick it up on my way out. If you are interested in becoming prepared I recommend picking up the Max Brooks books, "The Zombie Survival Guide" and "World War Z." The are ripe with information on how to survive the eventual end of the world. (They are also just fantastic read)

The way i think this eventuality will happen is in "2012" the government will after years of genetic manipulation, edit the Rabies virus. And "accidentally" release it into the populous. And then BAM ZOMBIES. So get ready to survive.

2) This is not necessarily the end of the world itself, but more of the end of the earth as our only home in the universe. For instance its very possible that due to some technological break through we are able to colonize other planets and/or space. These technological breaks throughs may be a space elevator, maybe a warp drive invented through particle accelerators or fuck we just get to mars or the moon by throwing rocks at them. Either way, two things that may way on this is one, due to a satellite crashing on the moon recently we have found a significant amount of water on it. And also Jupiter's moon europa supposedly has vast liquid water oceans underneath its frozen surface (bitches thats were aliens are fyi.)

70 movies to watch when you are sick

Movies

Now this isnt a list of the best movies of all time, (though some of them are) but it is more of a list of some of the most fun movies of all time. (excluding some due to not being sick appropriate. I’m Looking at you Alien/s)

In no particular order also sorry for all of the spelling, and gramaticle errors. (yes grammatical is spelled incorrectly)

1. Demolition Man (This movie Isnt good. But what it lacks in quality it makes up for in Ridicoulousness, following the vain of the 80's action movie, who can resist a world where swearing is illegal, Every resturaunt is taco bell, and If you dont know how to use the 3 sea shells your pretty much screwed.)
2. Fifth Element(Once again the future is great when your in bed and unable to go outside. The whole cast of this movies rocks it, while also being just in general one of the best scifi movies of the last 20 years.)
3. Princess Bride(Its a movie about a grand father reading a book to his kid (fred savage) WHILE HE IS SICK. This movie is made for your germ ridden self. Not to mention Sword fights giants, OLR's....Would anybody Like a Penut)
4. Star Wars (4) (The next three movies SHOULDNT BE EXPLAINED IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THEM YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING. Now though because im nice, ill give so reasons to watch em. Star Wars is the perfect example of the Heros story. A Youth with tons of potential, meets a wizard who gives him a destiny, they meet up with the wiley rouge on a mission to save the princess, from the EVIL EMPIRE)(oh yah LIGHTSABERS AND SPACE BATTLES. Also if you pay attention almost every movie has an R2-D2 and C3P0 duo in it)
5. Empire Strikes Back (5) (taking the brilliant story telling of the first and MAKING IT BETTER, This one is much darker, IN FACT THEY LOOSE....ALLOT. Luke no hand, Han frozen in carbonite, Hoth DESTROYED BY AT-AT, Not to mention there is an underlying Romance through out the whole thing)
6. Return of the Jedi (6) (So all of the Awesomeness comes to its Crescendo in this movie. there is a signifact group of people who consider this there favorite movie. The space battle awesome, JAbas palace awesome, and you know what...EWOKS AWESOME they are a metaphor for Vietnam By the way.
7. Back to the Future Part 1(Who doesnt love a story with a crazy mad scientest and a yong youth Traveling in time.)
8. Back to the Future part 2(NOW THEY GO TO THE FUTURE WHO DOESNT WANT A HOVERBOARD)
9. Twister(this movie seems to be over looked allot, trust me its worth it.)
10. Jurassic Park(This is the first movie to make a thing ALIVE with CGI, and it doesnt over use it like most crap these days, velicoraptors are still to this day one of the scarriest monsters to ever cross the movie screen. And the Trex ENDS UP BEING THE HERO HUZZAH!!!)
11. Jaws(The original block buster,The cast phenomanal. This is a movie that has caused more hydrophobia then any other thing on the planet. EVEN REAL SHARKS)
12. Princess Mononoke (its an anime i get it, Wine i dont like cartoons cause i'm immature (yes that seems like the opposite) one should look at the quality of a picture not the medium of a picture. So get over it and watch this movie. It is beautiful, the idea of animal vs man, Machine vs Nature, Death vs life, and how its all really the same thing plus a love story that knocks you off your socks.
13. James Bond: Goldfinger(its the original james bond, Super spy takes on evil millionare with a head cutting hat throwing henchman.)
14. Doctor strange love and how i stopped worrying and learned love the bomb. (In the dark era of the cold war this movie made light of the fact that at any moment the powers that be could kill us all with the press of a button. And its hillarious)
15. Batman Forever (jim carrey, and tommy lee jones) (yes there may be better batmans, but the acting chops of this movies two villains make this movie. Its campy, but so was batman.)
16. High Fedelity (for a man make a list, this movie is a no brainer, During his current break up, John Cusack the music geek king, goes through his top 5 worst break ups of all time.)
17. Ferris Buelers Day Off (Some of these are hard just cause, IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT WHAT THE FUCK!!!. so breif over view, King of high school Ferris plays hookie with his girl freind and best friend. AND have the day of their lives.)
18. Chasing Amy (Romantic comedy, kevin smith style a comic book writer, falls in love with a girl, she ends up having a sordid past, and fights ensue. Jason Lee his best freind may be the funniest reason to watch the movie, but in true kevin smith fashion, this movie has allot of heart.)
19. Resevoir Dogs(Cut out the mr orange back story) (if you havent seen it dont cut out the mr orange story line cause its important to the plot, If you have seen it, its unnessary and you just need to get back to all the good stuff. From the sound track, to the dialogue, to the end Great movie.)
20. Kill Bill Volume 1 (the second one is great dont get me wrong but for good old fashion Aweomse just watch the first one.)
21. Goonies(a group of oddball kids go on an adventure to find a lost treasure, TRUFFLE SHUFFLE)
22. Top Gun (the quintessential Air force movie, that is so gay its not gay.)
23. Last Star Fighter (Kid wins video games, INtergallactic organization is using video game to recruit pilots for there army. KID JOINS ALIEN ARMY. jetpack.)
24. Dogma (kevin smiths fantasy movie. Two fallen angels have to get back to heaven, and the cast (great great great niece of jesus, a muse, the black appostle, and a prophet that speaks to much, and one that doesnt speak at all) ahve to stop them)
25. The Original Xmen Movie (the third being one of the worst of all time, this one is limited by the fact that it has to introduce and develope its cast...WHICH IS A GOOD THING.)
26. Independence Day (Aliens attack the planet blowing up most of our cities in one of the most iconic movie explosions of all time. and it has one of the best movie speaches on top of that)
27. Men in Black (Will smith at his greatest (or well maybe the last movie) joins a "goverment" organization charged with dealing with aliens...the space kind. witty, and action packed. )
28. History of the world part 2 (mel brooks tells us his version of some of the worlds historical events and tehy are all hillarious. oh and there isnt a part 1)
29. Major League (THE quintessential baseball movie. GO INDIANs)
30. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (Indiana jones is a bad ass oh you have a sword, Bam gun.)
31. Indiana jones and the templ of doom (Arguably the worst (fuck you crystal skulls) Its stil fantastic. Short round, and heart ripping cultists PLUS MONKEY BRAINS FOR DESERT)
32. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (indys got dady issues thank you Sean Connery)
33. 10 things i hate about you (ITs the taming of the shrew set in highschool in the 90's one of the best if not the best teen comedy from that era)
34. A knights tale(In no way historically accurate, but its taking the modern sports movie formula and MAKING IT ABOUT JOUSTING.)
35. The scream (the perfect example of horror of the 90's, A killer is preying on the teens of a nice suburban town but as long as you follow the rules of the horror movie genre you will survive)
36. Garden State (Ill be lying if part of this is really about the sound track. which is beautifull. But the love story in it is also touching, and its a great coming home story.)
37. Pleasentville (A brother and sister are sucked into a perfect picture 1950's tv show. And open up the whole shows eyes to how wonderful the world can be.)
38. Hook (PETER PAN GOT OLD, robin williams vs Dustin hoffman. What up)
39. Lion King(hey its hamlet, and probably the best disney movie of all time, oh and hey they are all lions, oh wait And the music is fantastic. I got an award in sports camp when i was five because i would walk around playing the soudntrack from this movie on repeat. also still holds the record for the most times ive seen a movie in theaters. 9)
40. Beauty and the Beast (I'm running into the problem that most of these movies are so good that im saying the same things about them, but really look at lion king, but change lions to house hold objects, and hamlet to a story about a cursed prince who needs to be saved by true love)
41. The Labyrinth (DAVID BOWIE AND MUPPETS NUFF SAID)
42. matrix (ONLY THE FIRST ONE) (dont let the sequals tarnish the fact that this is one of the best movies ever made. from action to actually making you question your own reality. this movie has it all)
43. Catch me if you can (tom hanks vs leanardo decaprio, in a great game of Cat and mouse)
44. Ground Hog Day (what would you do if you had to repeat the same day over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Not only is this movie hillarious, its also extremely touching and has the message of paying attention to the little things in life.)
45. Starship troopers(another great action movie, Its gory to the extreme, but in more of a hillarious way then a serious way. It's message of Military extremism are also very interesting.PLUS GIANT BUGS KILLING EACH OTHER)
46. Dazed and confused (a 90's movies set in the first days of summer in the 70's)
47. Breakfast club (john hughes best work, five completely different highschool stereotypes learn to love each other in saturday detention)
48. Sixteen Candles (Who hasnt had there birthday forgotten, and perfect shout out to all of those teenagers who are feeling ignored by the places they exist in)
49. How To train your dragon (The only thing bad about htis movie, is that you dont have your own pet dragon when you leave)
50. Pirates of the carribean (THis series was so close to being hte next star wars, but it failed. Though that has more to do with the sequals. The first one is great,Pirates skeletons, treasure and an amazing performance from Mr. Johnny depp)
51. Superman (the orginal) (This is the movie that made comic book movies, not to mention its the movie that made us feel like we could fly. perfect for being sick in bed.)
52. Terminator 2 (when a super killing machine from the future comes to kill you and your son, the only way to take it on....your own super killing machine from the future.)
53. Clue (Based on the board game, tim curry gives us a fantastic performance, and the fact taht there are three different endings is the icing on the board game)
54. Moulin rouge(one of the more endearing love stories of the last decade. Not to mention one of the most creativly visual movies. )
55. Usual Suspects(perfect crime movie, i dont want to ruin it though next)
56. Mulan (MYSTERIES AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOONNNNNNNN. a story about a girl joining the military as man where teh penalty for being found out is death. With her side kicks a fialed dragon, and a lucky cricket can mulan save china?)
57. Oceans 11(only the first one) (one of the better hiest movies, and who hasnt thought of stealing from a casino before)
58. The Great Escape (A group of war prisoners in nazi germany are duty bound to escape even though they arent being treated that badly. Oh and if you watched the show recess as a kid It based on this movie.)
59. Center Stage (Deffinitly a guilty pleasure but the ballet in this movie is great and it really shows the pressure a ballerina goes through to succeed)
60. Annie Hal (woody allen in love, one of the best romantic comedies of all time...period)l
61. Idle Hands(What do you do when your hand gets possesed by the devil it kills your two best freinds who resurect themselves, and have to save the girl. Hilariousness is what you do)
62. ET (Taking the classic boy finds stray pet storyline and then making it about aliens, the love shared between the main character and ET is so touching that it scares you at times.)
63. (honeslty anything by John Hughes, or Kevin smith really)
64. Serenity (the end to one of the sadest cancelations of a show ever, It space cowboys done perfectly)
65. Predetors (So your in a jungle and one of the greatest killing machines in the universe is hunting you. how do you deal with it. Arnold is how you deal with it)
66. Cloudy With A Chance of meetballs (trust me highly underrated, it doesnt take itself seriously when it matters nad is really really good)
67. Spaceballs(its star wars but by mel gibson. PIZAA THE HUTT)
68. Alladin (the diamond in the ruff (alladin) finds a magic lamp with a genie in it, robin williams. Its just so good....see Mulan, Lion kind, and beauty and the beast)
69. Land before time 1 (4 dinosaur children seperatly from their familys must get to the GREAT VALLEY because the rest of there world is running out of food, and is becoming increasing dangerous. Each character is so endearing, not to mention the villain of the Trex is so good that its really sad that the 88 sequals have tarnished this movie)
70. The Mask (In my opinion this is jim carreys best comidic work)

The Color of Water

Water is the color blue, many people believe that it is clear and that the blue you see is the reflection from the sky. THEY ARE INCORRECT.

An excerpt from a Dartmouth study.

The blue color of water may be easily seen with the naked eye by looking through a long tube filled with purified water. We used a 3 m long by 4 cm diameter length of aluminum tubing with a Plexiglass window epoxied to one end of the tube. Ten or more observers each reported seeing a blue color when they looked through the tube and observed a sunlight-illuminated white paper placed below the vertically-suspended tube (see for yourself in Fig. on the right: H2O- on the left and blue, D2O-on the right and transparent). This observation is in accord with the spectrum of H2O recorded in Fig. 1. For example, from the measured absorbance at 660 nm, the calculated transmission of a 3 m water-filled tube is 44% -- a loss of red intensity that should be perceptible. Light transmitted through the empty cell was white. The large tube volume and a limited budget precluded checking to see if light transmitted through a D2O filled tube was indeed white, as expected.

For more information,

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~etrnsfer/water.htm

http://www.serc.si.edu/labs/phytoplankton/primer/water.jsp

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_of_water

http://www.lsbu.ac.uk/water/vibrat.html

Mr. Fly and Mr. Flea

Said Mr. Fly to Mr. Flea,
"I don't know how you even see.
Your little pupils, I surmise,
Are nothing next to compound eyes."

Said Mr. Flea to Mr. Fly,
"Such angry words, I wonder why?
Is it because, for all your wit,
You spend your days consuming shit?"

Then both sat still, afraid to be.
Sad Mr. Fly, sad Mr. Flea.

-Sam