T-Pain is Not Hot.

Okay.

a.) Yes, its been awhile since any of us has posted. And to give everyone an honest prediction, there's an excellent chance that you won't see another post after this one for awhile. From anyone. Including Me.

2.) Okay, so I was screwing around in the ol' interweb and somehow, I stumbled across the Vevo page for T-Pain. Now, don't get me wrong, I am a big T-Pain fan. Really like his music, and even though I don't have to, I'm going to mention I'm On A Boat.

Has anyone ever seeeeen T-Pain? He looks like that kid who played D&D in high school, and went home after school to spend the rest of his day on the Gateway tower PC in his parents' basement. Big-ass plastic glasses, overweight, scrappy hair, and nobody really knows if he can actually sing. (But my god are his auto-tuning skills amazing.)

Yet, in all of his videos, absolutely GORGEOUS women are throwing themselves in his general direction. wtf?!?!?!?!?! Do I need to take up D&D? (I know the obvious answer, so lets not even go there.) But seriously - Am I missing something? And it's okay to say "No, Drew, you're not missing anything." But that would make me sad.

(PS - don't believe me? http://www.vevo.com/artist/t-pain BOOM! There ya go. See for yourself.)

Coverage - Chillerama

This is a terrible mini-feature i read for either MTV or Spike TV, i forget which.

CHILLERAMA

Okay seriously? What The Fuck.

this is a short-feature - its about 30 pages long - so its a fast read. A fast, retarded read. Its supposed to be a over the top horror/comedy which is mostly comedy, but really bad comedy. Its about this kid who is gay, but he doesn't want to accept that he's gay. He has a girlfriend who gets hit by a drunk driver right at the beginning of the story, and spends the rest of the story as this brain-damaged retard who just speaks gibberish. He has a run-in with this other gay kid who bites his ass during a wrestling match, turning him into a "werebear." which is some kind of hairy creature who can change forms at will, and loves buttsex. Then the protagonist struggles with the fact that he's gay, he accidentally kills his wrestling coach when his coach tries to molest him, and the action culminates with a big werebear fight at like a battle of the bands-type event. The protagonist comes to terms wit the fact that he's a werebear, but dones't have to run around killing people, like his predecessor were doing. Everyone lives happily ever after. Oh yeah - did i mention this is also a musical?



Overall, this script was really gay. It was also bad. The fact that it was a INCREDIBLY POOR allegory for the struggle that teenagers have to deal with when it comes to being gay when you are in a predominantly heterosexual, uber judgemental environment was FAR TOO OBVIOUS. The dialoge was awful, I'm pretty sure the author was high when he wrote the lyrics to the songs. I could understand an actor doing this if they couldn't get a job anywhere else, and actual legitamate work was something they weren't into, buuut this is just over the top. And bad. This is one of those movies, where if it got made, you would have that midwestern family sitting in front of their television berating Hollywood for their inability to make good movies. Not like Transformers 2 is helping out case, but still. Didn I mention this was awful?
PASSSS.

Another compilation

Well we all know how much i love compilation videos. And we also all know how much i love animation...and since pixar is the current king of the animation world one would assume that i would love a compilation video of the last 25 years of Pixar....

Well that person assuming would be correct BAM!!!!

The Cultural Movement That Wasn't

So I was sitting around with some of my friends the other day, and we were talking about the socio-cultural movements over the last fifty years, and how they have influenced us over the course of history. Going all the way back to one of the biggest movements of the century, the Civil Rights Movement, and moving up all the way through today, almost every single introduction of a new social group brought with it some sort of contribution to us as a whole. Every group, that is, except for this one:




Hipsters.

You've seen them before. Wearing large, plastic glasses, some merely framing some glass, and not actual prescription lenses. Shirts from the 70s, jeans that are too tight, and boots that could be found at any local S&M shoppe.

"But Rizz!" you will find yourself saying. Its okay. Go ahead. Finish that thought. What HAVE they contributed? Keep on thinking. Maybe it will come to you. Someday. The fact is, to be a hipster, is to be not a contributor, or not even a user, but rather a re-user. To find something that has already been done, and do it again, using a shield of pretentiousness to deflect any ideas of "haven't i seen that before?"

Lets review:

The CRM, in addition to the blatantly obvious, opened us up to a world of new music stylings. Jazz, Rock and Roll, and Blues were virtually unheard of in mainstream music back in that era. Move into the Free-Love movement of the 60s and 70s and you come up with the Beatles, Woodstock, people realizing that war didn't need to happen because Uncle Sam said so. That movement also settled and evolved into the people that gave us modern-day studio movies (Star Wars, Jaws), and the reason why girls flip flops all seem to have 3-inch platforms on them.

The 90's gave way to both the Grunge and Hip-Hop movements. Enter torn jeans (which you can purchase pre-torn now), long hair, the biggest problem with authority to date (We were nicknamed Generation X), Nirvana, Marilyn Manson, et cetera. We saw the introduction of established Hip Hop rappers - Dr Dre, 2-Pac, Biggie Smalls. The look of Basketball started to change - from daiy-dukes to baggy shorts. Even some of our latest social movements, even whats going on now - with information sharing, and our fascination with digitally manupliating music - we get Youtube, Facebook, and Daft Punk.

Which brings me back to it. What have Hipsters given us, aside from the general annoyance of having to deal with them on the regular? Arcade Fire? Oh no - that's a band. Hipsters have no trouble finding music, and then deeming it worthy of bearing their stamp of approval (which, for the record, in most cases, means you just have to wail inconsolably into a microphone while you are accompanied by, at best, two other acoustic guitars.) This is a trend that seems to extend to most of the Hipster Persona: find something that someone else did, and deem it "cool." And then, to top it all off, they herald every discovery of theirs as something so cutting edge, and so groundbreaking, that only those clearly "in the know" would even have the slightest idea as to whatever they're discussing. In some cases, you might even go so far as to offend said hipster is the topic in question is supposed to be a "well known" one. (This can be any reference to Arcade Fire or NPR Program.)

So like i said: Not contributors, but rather, re-users. The one problem is that, from what I've seen, regardless of medium, the stuff hipsters like is the shit that nobody wants anymore. Which is why it was thrown out in the first place.

And seriously guys? Would it kill you to put a little product in your hair and run a comb through it?

Dreams

I wake up in bed. Or at least I think i wake up, there is a surreal sense of misplacement. As if the colors in my room do not quite match up or a feeling that everything is too big and too small at the same time. Not that either of these facts are important to me at this point, due to a pressing feeling of acceptance in regards to my surroundings.

As I role out of bed, already dressed in an outfit that i haven't owned in years, a sudden unexplainable feeling of panic sets in. I can not seem to place where this feeling comes from but i cannot shake away this sense of apprehension. As I stand up i hear a sudden click in my jaw and the reason for my increasing terror becomes suddenly apparent.

I slowly reach my hand up to my mouth, putting my fingers between my lips. Grabbing my front tooth i feel a wiggle and then a pop. As my panic increases to monumental amounts I begin to pull out each tooth, the pain increasing with each sickening pop. Slowly I begin to feel my molars crumble beneath my touch. My tongue feeling the empty gaps where my smile originally found it's home.

Finally as I pull out the last tooth of my now bloody and crumbled mouth a scream emanates louder then any sound i have yet to encounter.

I wake up in bed. Or at least I hope i've woken up. My room seems right somehow as if all the colors are what they are suppose to be, and everything is the correct size. My jaw hurts as if i had been grinding my teeth for hours as i slept. Still feeling the pressure of panic on my shoulders i slowly raise my left hand to my mouth, dreading what may be there. Touching my front teeth I sigh in relief realizing that each tooth is still where it's suppose to be. I flop back down into bed and fall right back to sleep hoping to dream of slightly more pleasant things.

Coverage - GONE

New Thriller will be going into production soon. Read it. Not a great fan, but I could be wrong.

Synopsis: This is set as sort of a thriller - we follow the story of JILL - a girl in her 20s who is wandering through the woods. We learn later that she lives with her sister, MOLLY, who is still a student at the local college, while Jill works the late shift as a waitress. One night, on her way out the door to work, Molly asks her to wake her up when she gets back at 630 the next morning so Molly can wake up and study more for her mid terms. Jill works her shift, and a nice man tips her $20 for a cup of coffee. When she gets home, she finds out that Molly is gone - there is no sign of forced entry, but Molly is missing.

Jill immrediately goes to the cops, and this is when we learn that she had been kidnapped earlier, and thrown down a hole and tortured for weeks. After she managed to escape from the pit on her own, the authorities couldn’t find any sign of her abduction, and ruled the whole thing to be made up. Hence, when she comes to the police with the story, they don’t believe her at all. Convinced the police aren’t going to help her out, Jill begins to track down her sister.

As she speaks to her neighbors, and other various people around town who give her leads, she has to dodge the police. First she pulls a gun on a dude at a locksmith, then she runs, and her shrink calls her and tells her to come to her office to talk things out, but Jill realizes that her shrink is just working with the police, trying to bring her in.

As she closes in on the culprit, finding out what hardware store he goes to for his torture materials, Molly’s boyfriend calls to tell her that Molly came home, and Jill again surmises that the bf is also working with the cops, so she hangs up on him too. She finally learns who the killer is, and he leads her back into the woods, back to the hole where she was first captured.

In the interim, Molly manages to escape from where she was being captured, which also turned out to be right beneath Jills house. Jill tricks the killer into thinking she climbed into the hole, and when he shows up to gloat, she surprises him from behind, shoots him in the leg, and pushes him into the hole, and takes away the ladder. The cops text her telling her they found her sister, and she comes back home to find Jill and told the cops that she made the whole thing up, so that they don’t go looking for the killer, who is still alive, trapped in his own hole.

Overview: Ehhh, I don’t know what to think about this one. Its an okay thriller, but that’s all its going to amount to be. Its a about a girl who is sort of experiencing ptsd, except she’s not this time, and everone else thinks she is. It’s pretty standard. There isn’t enough suspense contained in what’s actually happening. She spends all of her time either whining to the cops, or coming up with half-cocked stories to make the local townspeople give out other people’s personal information. The way she sort of buys right into the killer’s talking is a little weird, and its sort of explained when she has the tables turned on him, but its not handled well. There is no ultimate conflict. Nothing is on the line - Molly escapes by herself, Jill’s actual interaction with the killer spans no more than.... 45 seconds of total screen time for the total feature? That isn’t an antagonist. And pointing out that the cops are the antagonists is just weak. Think about a good horror or thriller movie, and the protagonist always gets away by the skin of their teeth: bloodied, broken, scarred for life, barely alive, but alive nonetheless. People live for

the protagonist’s “Bitch, what?!?” moment in a movie, when revenge is finally exacted, but the protagonist has to earn it. That doesn’t happen here. Moreover, the villain is as good as killed off, all but cutting off any possiblity of a more boring franchise. PASS.

Dragonball Z Videos

Hey Everyone!

So if you aren't aware of the show, Dragonball Z, I would probably just find another post to read.

If you are curious, DBZ is a very very popular Anime that spend a long time airing in the States, and even longer in Japan. It follows the lives of super-powered martial artists who constantly save the world through the use of flying, self-generated energy beams, and fighting that moves faster than you can see. There are other parts to the show that are good as well, but that's the basic outline.

If you ARE familiar with the show, here is a small collection of fan-made DBZ videos that just feature a bunch of parts of the show strung together in an incredibly repetitive fashion. Its a certain sense of humor, but I find it hilarious. Enjoy!

-Drew

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