" I’m an alien -- an admittedly, 100% humanoid and incredibly attractive alien. Being the incredibly helpful person you are, what is the deal with these “bar” things that you humans seem so fond of? Specifically, why do people go? What is there to do at bars in theory? What do people usually do there in practice? Remember – I know NOTHING about your culture, or rationale, or anything – so no detail is too obvious, obscure, or irrelevant. Lay it on me. Gender differences, what a person’s drink says about them, etc."
Well, there are really three types of bars, lounges, dives, and
Clubs. I will describe each individually. Though they differ in many
ways, for all three, the major motivations are 1) to mate, and 2) to have a
good time.
1) Lounges
Lounges are generally the most expensive, thus also the classiest. Generally dimly lit, they are often filled with either trendy or ultra-modern furnishings.
The mixed drink and wine rule here, mostly in the liquor on the rocks variety. Professionals frequent these spots after they finish work. Attire includes work suits, gowns, cocktail dresses and the like. The ambiance is completed with quiet jazz, classical or new wave music playing softly in the background. This is without a doubt the best bar for a date situation.
the female/mael ratios are normally as follows
Female: 50%
Male: 50%
2) Dive bars
There are really three subcategories of dive bars: "sports bars", "college bars”, and "eternal bars" (those that have been around forever.) In most ways they are all pretty similar. Dive bars are generally loud, but only due to the sheer volume of guests. Given the options of bar games such as foosball, pool, darts, or arcade games, people mill around in the dark, crowded bar.
Be it in pitcher form, for large groups or in the more individual choice of cans, bottles, or single glasses, beer is often the most popular choice. Visual projections showing recorded moving images, known as TV screens, make up much of the interior decoration, showing sports games. Of course, sports bars have a much larger number of TV screens than the other two.
Students who live or attend university nearby populate the college bars. Sports bars are mostly attended by all sorts of people, all nterested in getting drunk while watching whatever sports team they prefer. The less popular category, the Eternal bars, do not boast such a high clientele. Homeless people, those who have lived in the area forever, and random stragglers with nothing better to do, make up the regulars at the Eternal bars.
The music played is usually composed of guitars drums, and vocalist, known as the genre “rock”. Dive bars are also the most likely to allow an assortment of drinking games, including quarters, a game involving bouncing a monetary metal discuss into a cup. Beer pong, popular amongst students, entails tossing a small spherical white object into another team’s cups from a distance. An assortment of card related games are also readily available. Be wary; the consumers at these establishments are the most territorial about the locale, and can sometimes be unwelcoming to strangers that show any amount of disrespect. Attire consists of Jeans and a T-shirt, Sports jerseys, tank tops, and leather or jean jackets.
The female/male ratio is as follows
Female 20%
Male 80%
3) Clubs-
Club-goers are by far the most obsessed with finding a mate. They are also primarily centered on dancing. More often then not, the dancing involves the “bump and grind”, a ritualistic dance involving extremely close contact with your dance partner while reenacting bodily movements very similar to mating. You will often find hundreds of couples on the dance floor all doing the same dance. The music mostly falls into two categories, the first being electronic music, music mostly synthesized by a person known as a DJ operating a computer. Hip-hop, music centered on poetic spoken word over a heavy beat, is the other popular choice. The heavy base lines of both types of music make the “bump and grind” dance easy to perform. This type of bar regularly charges an entrance fee, as well as for pricier drinks inside. It can often have a very selective line on the outside, only permitting a few people at a time.
More often then not, Clubs are centered on having a higher female to male ratio due to the highly sexual atmosphere inside, and the club owners prefer to keep it that way. Drinks are mostly hard liquor, either in a small, condensed, highly volatile form, known as a shot. Hard liquor can also be mixed with fruity or savory, non-alcoholic liquids to produce a “mixed drink”. If you are able to afford it, you may pay for a table, a designated area for you and your compatriots to sit and enjoy yourself. These tables are provided with their own server and come with a choice of a hard liquor bottle. These tables are also extremely expensive.
The attire for men mostly involves similar attire to lounges, though the shirts are generally flashier. Also, depending on the person and neighborhood, one may where track suits. This dress code is meant for the male to wear his most expensive clothing, while the woman must wear the least amount of clothing without appearing to be a "slut", a woman who sleeps with too many men. The woman’s apparel usually comes in the form of mini-dresses and skirts, tube tops, and heavy jewelry.
The female/male ratio is as follows
Female 60%
Male 40%
So be weary my fellow alien compatriot a bar can be very fun but also a very dangerous and mysterious locale.
-Edited by Rachel Heine
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