Preemptive christmas music

So a select few radio stations that will go unnamed have decided that november 1st is the time to start playing Christmas Music. Now before I start I would like to point out that I love Christmas Music, and Christmas is easily one of my favorite holidays. (third to halloween, and my own birthday since i'm an egotistical bastard.) But to play Christmas Music anytime before the day of Thanksgiving (number 5 on top holiday list) is a terrible thing to do.

The reason for this is that it steals Thanksgivings thunder, early November is a time to begin the preparation for the fantastic turkey and corn themed feast that will arrive on the third thursday of the month. These rules of when to start celebrating are in place because each holiday deserves its time in the sun. You don't wear green on Valentines Day. You don't give romantic gifts on Ground Hogs day. You don't shoot fireworks off on Memorial Day. These holidays are deserving of their seasons, and these selfish shark jumping Christmas epicureans need to slow the fuck down.

Not to mention we also want to make sure we don't burn out on our Christmas celebration. There are many of us who ignorantly wish that christmas was every day of the year. But in reality, we would go broke from present giving, we would becomes obese from all of the feasting. Be to drunk off of eggnog to do anything good for society. And most likely put a bullet in our head after the 6000th rendition of the nutcracker. It's the limited time that we can celebrate these holidays and there trappings that makes them so special.

So please instead of singing about rudolf, and Santa this early november. Start compiling recipes for deep fried turkey, twice baked potatoes, and Marshmallow yams. Start dieting in preparation for the extreme amount of food you are going to have to ingest in the beautifully presented meal on thursday the 25th of november.

And for your enjoyment a thanksgiving poem by mister Sam Kellett

A young freezer turkey named Chester,
Fell in love with the roasting pan
But his love, unrequited, did fester,
Which is why he devised such a plan:

On a cold Thursday morn
He snuck out in the kitchen
His passion reborn,
His loins full of "itchin"

He saw her, the pan
She was staring at him.
He proclaimed "here I am!"
And he mounted her rim.

Then he barreled inside
Fitting tight in her groove.
And his heart felt so light,
As the pan 'gan to move.

And that's when things got hot
('Bout 350 degrees)
He felt stuffed, stuffed a lot,
Full of love, broth and peas.

So he stayed in that place,
In that pan, slick and round
And how long was his grace?
(20 minutes, per pound)

Til at last a great hoist
Brought him out of the heat.
He felt crispy and moist,
He felt ready to meet,

Thanksgiving.

Happy Turkey Day everybody!

(Author's note: This was a consensual cooking. The only reason the love was "unrequited" before, was because Chester hadn't had the butterballs to talk to her).