How to Write Internet Commentary

You're surfing a video on YouTube, or FunnyOrDie. Maybe you're reading an article on politics or badgers. And now you're ready to make your voice heard: to add... a comment!

What follows are five basic rules to make your comment both popular and meaningful:

1. Show that you were first
If you are the first to comment on something, be sure to write, "Yes! I'm first!" or something to that effect. Everyone else who reads the article will be impressed with your quick thinking, and ability to click things more quickly than others.


2. Check your grammar at the door
People who post internet comments are very busy and important, and do not have time to bother with things like spelling or grammar. It is also important to interject internet slang such as OMG and LOL, at seemingly random intervals. This slang can also be used to bookend your comment. Please note the following example:

Initial Sentence: "I found your article on the proliferation of nuclear weaponry to be profoundly enlightening."

Internet Commentary Sentence: "OMG therr are somany of those ppl who have thez bumbs they r evrywear! LOL!!!"


3. Remember your racism
If you don't understand the video/article, you should instead try to incite some sort of racial, or otherwise bigoted hatred.
Popular topics include: Jews, Blacks and Homosexuals. But hey, don't feel limited by these options, there are plenty of minority groups to espouse.

Example: "i hte the IRish cuzz theey r abunch of potatos LOL!!!"

Your random racial rantings will draw far more of a response than any rational discussion of the video/article ever could!


4. Quoting is everything
If you're watching a video, it's a great idea to quote the funniest line/lines from it in the commentary. Most people who have watched the video have already forgotten the parts that made them laugh, so it's a great help for them to be able to see your quote as a reminder. For those who have not seen the video, your comment will give them an idea of what to look for, so they won't have to be surprised by the humor.


5. Refuse to accept irony
If the video/article is clearly being sarcastic or joking, you should absolutely take it at face value and assume they are being serious. The following would be an acceptable response to an article about using kittens as an alternative fuel source:

Example: "U R SOOO STUPUD! OMG kitens r not sumthan to burn LOL yur goingg to hel lke the JEWS!"


By following these five rules, you will be sure to gain the respect and admiration of your fellow internet commentators. This is a marvelous thing to have, because there is no one more important and sophisticated than someone who posts a comment on the internet.

-Sam